Depression.

This is a very common topic that I believe is not well understood or addressed in a way one can comprehend. I'm not saying I got facts but this is coming from a person who suffered from it in high school - me.

Depression makes you feel confused. Why am I unhappy? Why am I always sad? Why isn't stuff going right for me? Why. Why. Why. You ask yourself a lot of questions and what gets you more aggravated is that you don't have the answers or where to seek them. You feel like God has forgotten you, to the point where you question your existence. You feel this heaviness and pain in your chest and often have tears in your eyes pretending that everything is okay.

You know you have people around you that love you and care about you but you feel alone and that no one is ever there for you even though you know that's not the case. When you seek out for help, you never really know where to start or what to say because you don't know the source, you don't know what's really causing the pain you feel. You feel like giving up. Why am I here and why am I suffering - and some unfortunately think of committing suicide, attempted or...actually did.

Would you believe me if I told you that you have the power to control your life and get rid of that pain...depression? I too thought this is something I will have forever and I'll just continue faking smiles and happiness. It's really not the case. Of cause It's a process and doesn't happen over night but only if you are willing to work on it. You can't say you want to get rid of it if you decide not to do anything about it.

God gave us free will - the gift of creation. Our minds are so powerful we can even stop world hunger. Depression, sadness, hate, resentment and pain are not temporary. What you need to understand is, we were not brought into this world to suffer. Relativity. You choose good over bad, giving over stealing and so you can choose happiness over sadness, love over hate and peace over pain.

You can can create, you can choose what you want for yourself. I did mention in my last two blog posts that, whatever you say, think or do has a large influence on how you live your life because you have the power to speak things into existence - you are either attracting negative or positive energies. Find the reasons why you are feeling the way you are feeling as it may be a past trauma, childhood memory, experiences, current situations or people - you need to map it out. You need to find the root of that pain so you are able to overcome it and start the healing process.

Mine started late primary (grade 7)/early high school (grade 8). There were so many unfortunate things happening to and around me. I realized that environments and people influence your character, behavior, emotions and the way you think. Choose the people you associate yourself with wisely - what this simply means is that you need to notice your environment and who you hang around with. If you're surrounded by people who are constantly complaining and bitter about life in general, even though you're not a complainer, you will find yourself starting to do it too. Notice when you surround yourself by happy and people with good vibes, they bring out the best in you.

You drown your mind with thoughts of negativity which you call 'overthinking'. Overthinking leads to anxiety which leads to that emotional pain you're feeling. Constantly asking yourself questions you think you don't have the answers to but really all the answers you're looking for are within you. I had my 'ah ha' moment, which I call a spiritual awakening, in grade 11. Trust me, it truly is a scary experience because you start to view life differently, your perspective is shifted and all your questions have answers - everything starts to make sense. Do not rush this process as it only happens once your soul feels that you are ready.

Depression feels as if you're trapped, as if someone is controlling your life. You feel like you're drowning while everyone else around you is breathing. You feel out of breath like something is holding you down by the neck. You feel restricted, you feel hopeless and broken beyond repair. Trust me when I say, depression actually opens your mind which is a good thing. Sounds crazy but here me out.

You are learning or rather experiencing what the soul already knows. Look at it as if it were a self-discovery journey. What I personally learnt is that, there is more to things meaning, there is more to what the naked eye can see. You are confused and want to know more. Ever feel like no on understands you? You are noticing things you missed before and honestly that's a privilege. You are questioning life and by that you are learning more. This is a very difficult subject but bare with me.

What I need you to understand is, it's not temporary. It is needed for growth. As you go through the spiritual awakening and healing process, like I mentioned before, your perspective on life changes, your mind is more open and when you take time to actually listen to your thoughts, listen to the voice in your head and finally get the answers you are looking for, you get to know more about yourself and how the world actually works. The best thing is, you get to know about yourself on a spiritual level - you connect with your soul. It teaches you life in a higher, deeper and different level and perspective. There is no rainbow without rain - it is dark now but there will be light.

What I learnt is that, you can try seek for help, counselling, therapy and emotional support from either a psychologist or someone you find close to you but the only person that really knows how to kill the storm inside of you...is you. Yes, you can have emotional support and your pillars of strength but do not seek for answers from the outside but from within. Spend a lot of time with yourself and this will include moments where you cry your heart out, lash out or withdraw yourself from the world - let it all out and allow yourself to feel. Stop avoiding your thoughts and stop sweeping things under the carpet. Let. It. All. Out.

You quick to remove a thorn from where it pricked you, quick to let go of something really hot that burnt you - let go of that, that brings you pain. Why are you holding on? Would have you allowed that thorn to go deeper or keep your hand on that hot plate/stove? Let go. I repeat this, you are the creator of your destiny, author of your book, the driver of your life - change for the better.

Your eyes will no longer be filled with water, late nights crying yourself to sleep, no more anxiety stepping on your chest, no more self harm to try ease the emotional pain and no more fighting your inner demons. It pushed you and you fell, shattered to a million pieces. You thought you were broken beyond repair but now you got to pick up those pieces and rearrange them the way you want them to be - building yourself up again the way you want to be. This made you stronger believe it or not. It tried to tear you down but then you rose from the ground like a skyscraper.

Everything will definitely be more than okay when you decide you deserve happiness and nothing less.